ASSERTIVENESS 2 of 2

 

The Benefits Of Being Assertive

 

Assertive behaviour is useful on a daily basis in a variety of situations, including at home, at work, driving, running errands, and virtually any place where you interact with other people.

 

Being assertive offers many powerful benefits.  It moves you from being a passive player in your own life to directing and controlling your life.  When you're passive, you allow others to violate your rights — to walk all over you, as the saying goes.

 

 

In contrast, behaving assertively can help you:

 

 Gain self-confidence

 Gain increased self-esteem

 Understand and recognize your own feelings

 Earn respect from others

 Improve communication

 Create win-win situations

 Improve your decision-making skills

 Create honest relationships

 Gain more job satisfaction

 

Some research studies suggest that being assertive also can help people cope better with many mental health problems, including depression, anorexia, bulimia, social anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and schizophrenia.

 

 

Learning To Be More Assertive

 

Some people appear naturally assertive.  But if you tend to be more passive, you can learn assertiveness skills with a little practice.  And if you tend to be aggressive, you can learn how to tone down your communication style.

 

Here are some steps in assertiveness training you can try on your own:

 

 

Honestly assess your communication style. 

 

·    Do you voice your opinions or remain silent?

·    Do you say yes to additional chores or tasks even when your plate is already full?

·    Do others consider you to act on the aggressive or passive side?

·    Are you quick to judge or blame?

·    Do others seem to dread or fear talking to you?

 

 

Use assertive language. 

 

·    Use "I" statements so that others know what you're thinking and you don't sound accusatory or blaming. 

·    For instance, say, "I disagree," rather than, "You're wrong."

·    Don't beat around the bush — be direct. 

·    If you have a hard time turning down requests, simply say, "No, I can't do that now."

·    Give a brief explanation, if appropriate. 

 

 

Rehearse what you want to say. 

 

 

·    If you have a particular issue in mind, focus on that. 

·    Otherwise, rehearse typical scenarios you encounter. 

·    For instance, if you want to ask for a raise, practice what you want to say. 

·    It may help to write a script.  Say it out loud.

·    Consider role playing with a friend or colleague and ask for blunt feedback. 

 

 

Remember your body language. 

 

·    Assertive communication isn't just verbal.  It also involves body language. 

·    Act as if you're confident even if you aren't. 

·    Keep an upright posture but lean forward a bit. 

·    Hold eye contact. 

·    Respect the other person's personal space — don't get too close. 

·    Maintain a neutral or positive facial expression. 

·    Don't wring your hands or use dramatic gestures. 

·    Practice in front of a mirror. 

 

 

Keep your emotions in check. 

 

·    You may be full of pent-up anger and frustration. 

·    Some people may cry when faced with conflict. 

·    If you feel too emotional going into a situation, wait a bit if possible.  Then, remain calm.

·    Breathe slowly. 

·    Keep your voice even and firm. 

 

 

Start with small wins. 

 

At first, practice your new skills in situations that are low risk.  For instance, you may want to try out your assertiveness on a partner or friend before tackling a difficult situation at work.  Evaluate yourself afterward and tweak your approach, if necessary. 

 

 

When you need extra help being assertive

 

Remember, being assertive takes time and practice.  If you've spent years silencing yourself, becoming more assertive probably won't happen overnight.  On the flip side, if you're driven to aggressive communication because of anger issues, you can learn anger management tips to help cool down.

 

But if you do rehearse and aim for small wins yet still don't seem to achieve your goals, consider formal assertiveness training.  And if you simply feel too overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, or angry to cope on your own, consider talking to a mental health provider.  Working on these skills with a professional can be both fun and empowering.

Find a place that will teaches assertiveness training.  They really help.