It seems like the room that’s just a few feet down the hallway is several blocks down the hallway. You wonder why there isn’t a bench half way down in which you can sit to rest on your way there.
The benches in the malls are suddenly very inviting, only they are filled with old people.
You have the energy of someone more than twice your age.
I first realized I had a problem with fatigue when I helped my grandmother plant her garden. Together we planted and rested, planted and rested throughout a hot spring day. “Ok Caitlynne she would say, I’m tired, we have to rest.” And I was tired to. Shouldn’t a woman in her 20’s have more energy than an 80 year old woman? I wondered. And then a strange thing happened. As the day progressed I wanted to rest before she did. What was happening to me? I literally just wanted to sit down, but I tried to continue, until my dear grandmother looked at me and said “You look tried my dear. Let’s go inside.” We went inside, watched a sitcom on cable, made supper, and enjoyed an evening of reruns from the years before I was born.
I realized then that my mother was right. I had a problem with fatigue.
It was so easy to pretend I didn’t, since I lived with my mother who also had a problem with fatigue and a father who was never very energetic. But looking back I had quit riding my bike for the four miles I rode every day for two reasons. 1.) I was too tired many a day. 2.) I often had stomach aches. But #2 is irrelevant to this blog post.
It crept up on me slowly. I quit riding my bike for four miles when one mile would do. Then I quit altogether. I quit taking the stairs when the elevator was available. I quit walking to the store when I could drive. My doctor told me I should exercise more often, but I quit exercising because I was too tired to do so. It not only exhausted me, I was often exhausted before I even started.
I found it, and still do find it, very confusing. Sometimes I have enough energy to walk all day, and sometimes I don’t have enough energy to remain sitting up at the computer for more than half an hour at a time.